Tuesday, March 31, 2015

New Study Says I Don't Have to Spend Time with My Kids!


Put down your capes. Dismount your chariots. Release the cake decorating tools and for goodness sake, walk. away. from. the. Pinterest. boards.

As it turns out, maybe you don't have to spend so much time with your kids.

Quantity of Time
Earlier this week, an article was published in the Washington Post discussing a study that was the first of its kind to study the relationship between the amount and type of interaction parents had with their children and the various outcomes. What the study shows is that the amount of time a parent spends with their child or adolescent has no correlation whatsoever with how the child turns out, when looking at academic achievement, behavior and emotional well-being. Maybe it's not the quantity, but the quality of the time that really matters.

Is more time detrimental? 
The thing that stood out to me the most was when it talked about when the amount of time can actually be detrimental to the children:
"In fact, the study found one key instance when parent time can be particularly harmful to children. That’s when parents, mothers in particular, are stressed, sleep-deprived, guilty and anxious.
“Mothers’ stress, especially when mothers are stressed because of the juggling with work and trying to find time with kids, that may actually be affecting their kids poorly,” said co-author Kei Nomaguchi, a sociologist at Bowling Green State University" [1].
Hold the Phone 
So, apparently, what I've been feeling all this time is not so off course. Ever feel like you love your children more after having time away from them? Yeah, me too. It turns out, we're not bad people for feeling that way! I often struggle to be sure to take care of myself, while also working hard at my job, but STILL FEEL GUILTY for not spending as much time as possible with my kids. By the time I am with them, I'm still stressed about the house not being clean or homework not being done, and by the time I send them to bed I feel bad about how I spent what little time I had with them making them do chores.

Quality of Time Wins
It turns out it's the quality of the time spent that matters:
"Plenty of studies have shown links between quality parent time — such as reading to a child, sharing meals, talking with them or otherwise engaging with them one-on-one — and positive outcomes for kids. The same is true for parents’ warmth and sensitivity toward their children. It’s just that the quantity of time doesn’t appear to matter" [1].
This helps my heart as a mother so much. As a child, I wished I had a mother who could be a homeroom mom and volunteer for all the field trips. I wished that my hard working single mother could be home with me after school and do all the things with me. I thought that's what made a good parent. I thought the best kind of mother I could be was a stay-at-home-mom who homeschooled and baked bread and did all the things with my kids. But it turned out that skin didn't fit me so well.
I started becoming a better mom when I stopped trying to be such a good mom, and just started being myself. I just want to make sure to have a good balance of pursuing my dreams as an entrepreneur, while also stopping to smell the roses and paying the right kind of attention to my children.
Rethinking My Time
I'm rethinking how I approach my time with my kids. Maybe I don't have to feel bad about the long hours I work, but when I'm with them, I need to really be WITH them. How do I do that? How do YOU do that?

So, here's to rethinking your time with your kids. How will you adjust the time you spend with your children? Are you making what time you do have with them really count?

[1] http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/making-time-for-kids-study-says-quality-trumps-quantity/2015/03/28/10813192-d378-11e4-8fce-3941fc548f1c_story.html

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Happy World Doula Week!

Happy World Doula Week 2015!

What is World Doula Week?

World Doula Week is a worldwide celebration of the work of doulas, as well as an opportunity to spread the word about the incredible benefits of all types of doulas.

World Doula Week

Are there different types of doulas?

More and more people are becoming familiar with labor or birth doulas, who assist women during pregnancy and childbirth, but there are actually many other kinds of doulas, including:
  • Antepartum Doulas - These professionals offer support during pregnancy when mothers encounter bedrest, preterm labor and have other needs for specialized support and assistance during pregnancy.
  • Postpartum Doulas - These professionals offer support during the postpartum period and help ease the family's transition into parenting.
I love being a doula!

I am so thankful to have the opportunity to work as a doula with Tulsa Family Doulas and teaching childbirth classes in Tulsa. Since 2007, I have been supporting mothers and their families as a labor doula and have just recently gotten training as a Postpartum Doula through ProDoula. I celebrate being a doula every day of the year, but I'm especially grateful for a whole week where people are talking about the benefits of doula support all over the world! 

Celebrate with me! 

Would you like to join the celebration? Here are some things you can do to celebrate World Doula Week with me:
  • Share this blog post with your friends by email or on Facebook
  • Comment and tell me about your experience with a doula
  • Pin the picture above on your Pinterest board
  • If you're a doula, include a link to your website in the comments!

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Just One Blonde Saying What's Going On?

Hi! Helloooooo! Anybody out there still reading my blog? Anyone wondering what's going on with Honeybee Mama these days? You might be if you've been watching me on social media lately, and you might be confused or CONVINCED that I'M the one who's confused doing million and one different things!

It's been awhile since I've posted anything else but {my moment}, but let me tell you, I really have been busy! I've created a new company, Missy David Enterprises, LLC, as an umbrella for my brands, and have begun tiptoeing into the world of consulting, providing content for website designers and professional blog services.

I've also formally launched my childbirth curriculum, Your Birth Experience, and have taken on the task of making lots of updates and edits to the parent and instructor workbooks in order to rebrand from the original book, which was The Birth Experience.
More recently, I've been asked to speak at the Social Media Tulsa Conference NEXT WEEK about how I built my brand using social media. COME JOIN ME AT THE CONFERENCE! I never thought in a million years that the dream I had of being a doula, childbirth educator and blogger just a few years ago would have ever gotten me to this place in time. The opportunities I've encountered and been brave enough to take on have grown and stretched and challenged and rewarded me in ways I've never thought imaginable.

AND I started subcontracting my doula services in Tulsa under Tulsa's newest and most amazing doula agency, Tulsa Family Doulas. Some people think I'm a partner in the company, but I am not. Sarah Coffin is the owner of the agency and I'm simply a subcontractor, although you will see me promoting the company a lot - basically because I like getting work and doing what I love! She and I have known each other a long time and are great friends and colleagues. AND, the more I talk about the agency and promote it, the more I get to serve women as a birth and postpartum doula in the fabulous city of Tulsa! I am extremely honored to be part of the team of amazing labor doulas, postpartum doulas, antepartum doulas and childbirth educators at Tulsa Family Doulas.

All that to say, I'm still here! I'm still the Honeybee Mama, and now that I'm finally coming up for air for a bit from everything I've been doing the last several months, I plan to be blogging here much more frequently. I have SO MUCH to catch you up on! I have book reports (oh my gosh, I've been reading some amazing books), recipes and thoughts about life in the hive to share with you. I just wanted to reach out and tell you what's going on!

Love and Honey,
Missy, the Honeybee Mama

Friday, March 20, 2015

{my moment}

A moment captured from the week that captured my heart. 
A Friday ritual inspired by Soulemama.

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your moment in the comments. 

Happy Weekend, Lovies!


Find me at Tulsa Family Doulas

Join me at the 2015 SMTULSA Conference!

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