Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Something's Changing

Maybe it's the fact that I turn 32 this year and I seem to be leaving the naivete and ego of my twenties behind me.

Or maybe it was the month of having four kids full time, with an insane schedule, and how it forced me to put aside many of my business projects and focus on being a full-time mom.

Maybe it was the day I decided to own my real size and buy a pair of jeans that actually fit me instead of believing my butt is still the same size it was in college (or high school for that matter). They're crazy comfortable by the way.

Maybe it's the Lavender and Bergamot essential oil I've fallen in love with.

It could be the cinnamon I've been putting in my coffee, along with the pure local honey I stir in every morning that makes me oh so happy.

Maybe it's the extra time we have as a family in the evening since none of the kids are enrolled in extracurricular activities right now.

It could be my renewed interest in homeschooling my kids.

Maybe it's my amazing husband who loves and supports me in everything I do, who comes home and wants to tell me about his day and hear about mine, who uniquely compliments me as a person and as a parent so perfectly. He is the best life partner I could ever have and I couldn't imagine going through the chaos of our life with any other soul on the planet.

Or maybe it's the yoga, my new most favorite exercise ever, and how it opens my soul, strengthens my body, and calms my mind.

Maybe it's the new contact prescription I just got that has alleviated my headaches and tiredness (because it's significantly more powerful than the last one) that is giving me a clearer perspective (even though I'm sure it's further evidence that I'm just getting older).

Maybe it's a combination of them all. I don't know what it is, but something is happening inside of me. You know that scene in How the Grinch Stole Christmas, where the Grinch's heart grows three sizes?

Okay, well, whatever I'm experiencing is not as seemingly painful as what Jim Carrey's version of The Grinch was, but I do sort of feel like my heart is growing. Believe me, I'm not saying my life is all roses and perfect Pinterest recipes. I have PLENTY of negativity, stress, mistakes and challenges. But I am starting to see all the things I can't control or change in a new way. They don't bother me so much because they're out of my hands. 

What I can control is how I act, respond, feel and how I love others. I can control the moments I choose patience over anger, or to ignore my phone during dinner and listen to my kids ramble on about their days. I can control my attitude and how I view what I have with thankfulness instead of ruminating on all the things I want. I can appreciate my health and all the things I CAN do with my body, instead of agonizing over the fact that my love handles are exploding over the tops of pants I outgrew about seven years ago. 

Whatever it is happening inside the deepest parts of me I don't want to ignore. Whatever is growing or awakening I want to embrace and encourage. 

Life is what I make of it, not what anyone else projects on me. In spite of expenses and hardship I may endure at the hand of another, or disappointment and heartache I may experience, I am still here. I am still breathing, moving and living. I will make honey instead of bitterness. I will choose happiness over resentment. And I will rest knowing everything really is going to be alright. 


Okay... maybe it is the yoga.

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